Have you ever been told “you are doing terrible”?
June 7th, 2010 | 
Author: My 14 week olds back of her head is flat. I have tried everything, extra tummy time, letting her sleep on her side during the day I even bought a back of the flat head support pillow thing but nothing is helping it. My cuzin who has 3 children told me “I have had 3 and never had that problem, you must be doing a terrible job at this parenting thing, doesn’t she have tummy time, how on earth could you let her head get like that?” I felt so horrible, I try my best to be the best parent I can be, and then get told I am doing a terrible job. I felt so horrible, she was telling me it can be permanent, I feel like I ruined my babies head 
She sleeps over 9 hours, and only likes sleeping on the back of her head, does not like to put her head to the side at all. I don’t know what else I can do I am hoping its not permanent and it will go back to normal when she can sit up, crawl etc. Have you ever been told something similar, whats was your reaction? How should have I handled this? I just got angry and left.
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well… It is a toss up. She may have a flat bit that she will grow out of and grow hair over OR she could grow up to be rude, judgemental, crass and hurtful like your cousin’s children? I would take the flat noggin myself.
at 14 weeks their heads are often rather flat. Your cousin should not have been so critical of you. If YOU are concerned take her to the health nurse and ask them, they will tell you if they are concerned. I know a little boy whose head was very flat as a baby but now he’s a toddler it’s fine
In very few cases a child may need to wear a special helmet or plate to rounden the skull but this is fairly rare and not a real cause for concern 
If you were my sister, I would curse our cousin out. How dare she say something so rude and crude to a new mommy? I have two children and I have not personally experienced the situation you described but I have heard about a special helmet that they use for that sometimes.
In the future, you can tell your cousin I said she can just go to hell for a little while. And if I were you, I wouldn’t ask her dumb @$$ anything else!!!
I ran into an old coworker while walking with my active, wonderful, accident prone toddler. She had a scrape on her nose and a healing cut above her eye from two different falls-he looked at me and said “It looks like you need to do a better job with that baby!”
I smiled and walked away.
Jackass.
Everyone thinks they can do it better…there’s just no way around it. Being mad doesn’t help, people are just…ugh..they just always think they know better.
You sound like you are doing a good job, and I know I was/am doing my best. Anyone who has anything else to say about it can piss off.
what a hurtful and horrible thing to tell a mom….We all do the best we can with what we have to work with. I was always rediculed at how i let my baby sleep on her tummy ever sinse she was 2 weeks cuz she wouldn’t sleep on her back..Our little ones have a mind of their own. Sinse she’s your cousin i would talk to her because she is family so chances are you’re gonna have to see her quite often. Tell her how those comments hurt your feelings and as a mom of 3 she should realize how hurtful those words are.
Don’t worry..your baby is still young. It can take up to a year to fix. Most babies get it now…her babies must sleep on their tummy..your not doing anything wrong.
Wow….shes not too bright is she? She could have 100 child that never had this problem and yours will. Every baby is different. I know a few people whos babies need helmets because of this and they are always doing tummy time and holding their child. Its just how the childs head is. Its not your fault. If it makes you feel any better, I have such a hard time with my daughter eating. She just wont and is losing weight because of it. I have people telling me all the time “oh just change the nipples” “get new bottles” “try different formula” “I’ve never had that problem…maybe you arent feeding her right.” Like really…as if I would take her to the doctor and for blood work if I didnt try different bottles and nipples and formula first. And how do you not feed a baby right? Like what do they think I’m doing…leaving her the powder and water to mix it herself? Everyone thinks they have an answer for everything. I would just tell her that you’ve had one and you’ve never had the problem of being a judgemental ass with no clue what shes talking about so she must be doing a terrible job with this parenting thing.
I never was told that I am doing a horrible job as a parent. That is probably one of the worst things a person can say to a mother. As a mother herself, your cousin should know that.
Don’t worry to much about your daughters head. A babies head is extremely soft and the skull isn’t fully formed so most babies do get flat heads, especially since the “Back To Sleep” campaign started. It eventually does fix itself. Just keep going with the tummy time.
As for your cousin, since she is family, try to just talk to her. Let her know how much she hurt you with what she said. Tell her to keep her comments to herself unless she is asked for them. And if she keeps up with the hurtful comments, tell her that you can no longer associate with her outside of family events because she is really hurting your feelings and discouraging you.
All we can do is try our best. No parent is perfect, no matter how hard they try to appear that way. You sound like you are doing a fantastic job. Don’t let her rude, hurtful comments get to you. Guaranteed, she does things with her kids that people disapprove of as well.
that is so rude!
no, thank god, no one has ever said that to me.
have your child checked out by her doctor. flat heads are usually an indication of positional plagiocephaly.
Awww sweeti! You aren’t doing anything wrong its completely normal!
Your cousin needs a slap tbh.
Elodie is 16 weeks now, and her head is still a little flat but is getting better now she is rolling over and sitting up steadier.
If she had said that to me, she would have gotten a piece of my mind.
You are doing a great job with Dani!
xxxxx
I’m honestly in shock that your cousin would say something like that to you.
I’m not sure what I would have said in that situation. I probably would’ve done what you did, and just left. Actually it probably depends on the kind of day I was having – I may have had some choice words for her before I left. My son was the same way when he was 3-4 months old – he slept on his back and part of his head was flat. A few months later he started sitting up on his own, and his head went back to normal. Not immediately, but he’s 2.5 now and his head is shaped just fine. Just keep doing what you are doing, and she will be fine. You are a good parent – don’t let anybody tell you different!
tell ur cousin 2 go and bugger off hunni
jacks head isnt flat as he is a side of the head sleeper but my cousins (whos now 9) had a very flat head, so much so ppl used to ask what was wrong.
now her heads fine and her hair covers it anyway x
dnt worry hunni shell be fine
xxx
OMG…that is so rude. How could she possibly think that it’s your fault that your baby’s head is flat. Everytime I put Haley to bed she always has her head cocked to one side or the other, so much that I don’t know how she doesn’t get a crick in her neck…lol. Every baby is different and it’s not your fault how your child likes to sleep. I could be wrong, but I don’t think it is permanent. I think it will somewhat fix itself when she gets more mobile. Don’t let anyone tell you that you are a bad parent. You are doing a great job hun, they are just trying to make themselves feel better about their shortcomings.